We’ve all heard the story of petty quarrels and misunderstandings leading to a breakdown in relationships. Most of the time, couples blame the lack of communication to be the root cause, or a lack of understanding or appreciation from their partner as the reason they drifted apart and finally decided to end the relationship.
Failed love stories are always tragic but if people only recognised that love has its own language and different people speak different versions of it, then perhaps such tragic endings can be avoided.
The language of love is expressed differently by each individual and if you and your partner can recognise each other’s love language, you will have fewer misunderstandings and you will know better how to give love and receive love from each other.
The 5 Love Languages
You don’t always need to use words to tell someone you love them. Showing them how you love them through their love language is a strong expression of your love for them.
1. Words of Affirmation – if you love receiving praise and appreciation for the things that you do, then your love language is to receive words of affirmation. If you think this is your partner’s love language, then be sure to use positive words to build up your partner’s mood.
Next time you want your partner to take out the garbage for example, don’t say “Why don’t you take out the garbage already.” This will only irritate them instead of encouraging them to do as you ask. Instead, say “Thanks for taking out the garbage.” They will appreciate the gratitude and would love to do it to hear more.
2. Gifts – if you love giving or receiving gifts then this is your love language. If you think this is your partner’s love language, then make the effort to shower them with gifts. It need not be expensive. A gift with a personal touch would be greatly appreciated too.
For example, you can buy your partner their favourite food and leave a personal note telling them to take care of their health. Small gestures like this make your partner feel that you are always thinking about them.
3. Acts of Service – if you notice that your partner appreciates it when you do chores around the house without them asking you to do it, then your partner’s love language is acts of service.
Do something around the house that your partner usually does. Cook a meal, wash dishes, vacuum floors, water the plants in the garden. These are all acts of service which are your acts of love in your partner’s eyes.
4. Quality Time – if your partner loves spending time together with you, then their love language is quality time. All they want is for your give them a time in the day that they have your undivided attention.
This means that they feel loved when you spend time with them engaging in long conversations about topics of common interest to the both of you, taking a walk together, just sitting on the couch talking and listening to each other or to music. Do things together and give your partner your undivided attention to make them feel your love for them.
5. Physical Touch – is your partner someone who likes PDA (public display of affection) or if they are shy about it in public, are they more physically expressive with you in private? Your partner’s love language maybe physical touch.
Physical expressions such as holding hands when walking together, hugging each other when you wake up, kissing before leaving the house and sexual intercourse are all expressions of your love in your partner’s eyes.
Try to identify your partner’s love language and make the effort to show your love for them in their love language. Identify what your love language is too and tell your partner about it. Better yet, talk to each other about what love language you think each one of you may appreciate.
If you’re not sure, then use the opportunity to experiment and find out which love language applies to you and your partner. The process is a chance to figure out how you can express your love to each other and the results will surely help you grow your relationship even further.