If Only

If I would have known that I’d never see you again,

If I would have known that was the last time we would be together.

If I would have known I’d never get another chance

to talk to you,

to hold you,

to kiss you,

to touch you,

If I would have known I’d wake up the next day without you in my life,

I would have held you a little tighter,

kissed you a little longer,

talked to you on and on,

touched your hand, and never let it go,

gently whispered “I love you” over and over again,

and asked you with all  my heart,

“how could I live without you?”.

I would have done all these,

and more,

so much more.

If only…

If only I would have known.


Marizel Layco Beck started writing poems as a way to release her pain and to express her sadness with the sudden passing of two people who were very dear to her, one after another.  She lost her father, Ver five days after he was rushed to the hospital because of stomach pains.  He was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver.  And then, a WEEK later, she lost her sister, Karen. Karen died of a heart attack in her sleep.

To read more of Marizel’s poems, visit The Grief Toolbox.

2 thoughts on “If Only

  1. […] It has been a little more than a year since that fateful night. Up until now, I never had a good night’s sleep. I dread each night. I am scared to go to sleep. My mornings are no different. Every waking hour is a nightmare too. I would wake up everyday only to find myself in the same cycle, wishing that everything that happened was just a bad dream. My mind and my heart would always think about him. I could not help but think of things that I wish I could have done differently. If only … […]


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